Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
