This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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