is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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