i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
