I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
