i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
