Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
