If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
