Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
