did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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