Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
