she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
