R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
