There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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