i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
