i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my shit smells like andre
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
