I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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