I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
