i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
