We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
