god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
