adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
