i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
