Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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