there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This is my gift to your gina
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
