People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
