I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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