Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
