Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
