if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
