A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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