i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
This house was built for laser tag.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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