take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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