she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
