I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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