yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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