omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Can I color on your dick again?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
