Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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