I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
