I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
