There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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