i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
