i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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