Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
