if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
