that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
