She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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