he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
