Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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