You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
