he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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