perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
