btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
