I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
