i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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